Your First Time: A Sexual Guide for Boys and Men

Let’s face it: Most sexuality education is terrible.

If you’ve received a formal sex education, it likely went a little like this:

Don't have sex because you will get pregnant and die.

Mean Girls

Sex is a special covenant between a man and a woman. Here’s a little information about the biology of sexual intercourse between a man and a woman. And here are a bunch of horrifying pictures of STI’s that will scare you into remaining abstinent until marriage.”

And we think that it’s time we change that.

Sex ed has to change.

Because if we don’t do a better job of teaching healthy sexuality, we leave it up to pornography, television, music, and movies to do our job – and none of those are accurate, comprehensive sources of sexuality education.

It’s time we teach our young people about more than just biology, STI’s, and abstinence.

It’s time we teach about how to have amazing, fulfilling, consensual, and healthy sex.

Cynthia Kane already wrote a fantastic guide for having great sex on the first time, but since some of the most effective sexual education is split up by gender, the brilliant Melissa A. Fabello and I are here with a two-part article to amplify Cynthia’s message.

And since I identify as a man, I will start things off by talking to the boys and men out there.

That said, let me be clear that I am a cisgender man, and as such, many of these lessons come from a cisgender perspective and should be treated as limited in that way.

So what are some steps to take before diving into sex for the first time? What are some important facts to know? And why are they important?

Let’s take a look.

1. Get to Know Your Body

Amazing sex starts with you knowing a bit about your body and what you want and need from your partner. So before you head into the bedroom with another person, you need to spend some time by yourself.

Yup. I’m telling you to masturbate.

But I don’t mean the “jerk off quickly in the bathroom before someone catches me” kind of masturbation.

I mean taking your time, exploring your whole body, figuring out what does (and doesn’t!) feel good.

How do you like to be touched, where do you like to be touched, and in what ways do you like to be touched?

More and more, young women are being told to familiarize themselves with their bodies (which they should!), but young men aren’t being told the same thing.

The idea that a man would take the time to light some candles, draw a bath, and explore his body for maximum masturbatory pleasure is considered laughable. Let’s change that!

Too often, we just treat male pleasure and orgasm as being easy. Having fulfilling sex, though, means having a much more comprehensive knowledge about your own pleasure.

Did you know that one of the most powerful orgasms a man can have has virtuallynothing to do with his penis?

It’s called a prostate orgasm, and most men never experience this tremendous joy because of the taboo around anal play being “gay” and thus “terrible and disgusting and eww.”

Whether it’s a prostate orgasm or neck kissing, you won’t know what works best for you, though, if you never take the time to explore.

2. Interrogate Your Media Consumption and Expectations

Read the rest at Everyday Feminism.


On Safer Sex and Consent At

This week’s post is a guest post over at, a love, sex, and relationships site!  A friend of mine who runs Lucky Bloke writes a regular column for YourTango, and she asked me if I’d like to guest post over there, so I present to you:

From Condoms to Consent: Making Safer Sex SEXY!

A special thanks to the folks at


Lucky Bloke


I’ve been involved this week with a lot of advocacy and activism around Trayvon Martin, and I am hoping to have another post up today or tomorrow with a call to action around this whole fiasco.

Safer Sex – Lucky Bloke Giveaway!

Long-time readers of my blog know that I’m a big fan of sex, particularly healthy, happy, consensual sex!  I have detailed my views on sex, and I have written about how consent can be super sexy.

If you’ve read my work, though, you will know that I am a proponent of comprehensive sex education.  Break out the bananas and condoms, flavored lube, and latex gloves that can (oh so easily) be turned into a fantastic dental dam!

I order to help you, my readers, practice sex as safely as possible, Change From Within is proud to partner with Lucky Bloke to offer a free month’s subscription for condoms, lube, and dental dams!

What’s Lucky Bloke you might ask!?

Lucky Bloke: Discreet and affordable international delivery of top-selling condoms and lubricant

Sex is exciting. Walking into a store, and purchasing condoms, not so much. And, running out of condoms isn’t just awkward – it can have some very unwelcome consequences.

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Our favorite part?
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Lucky Bloke is offering one lucky Change From Within reader a FREE MONTH’S SUBSCRIPTION delivered to your door just in time for Valentine’s Day!

A Month’s subscription allows you to to choose 18 condoms or dental dams in 3 different styles and 12 pillow packs of lube!  FOR FREE!  Plus, there’s no obligation to continue your subscription after the month’s over.  If you want to continue, you can sign up.  If not, no worries!

To enter to win, all you have to do is click the following graphic and fill out the form!  Don’t worry – it just goes to me (Jamie), and I won’t use your information for anything but this contest.  I just wanted people to have a discreet way to enter the contest (you know, in case both you and your mom read the blog and want to enter but neither of you want the other to know you’re entering).

The contest is now officially closed, and the winner has been notified!  Thank you for your interest!